I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize