"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
