you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
