The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
