So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
