Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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