shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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