Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize