We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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