Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
