I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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