Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
