Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
