Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
