i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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