Already got asked if we're dating
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
