God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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