tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
