I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
