i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
