Nicole vs. Life
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
