at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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