if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize