my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
