in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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