Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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