Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
