dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
