He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize