It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
