I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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