Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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