hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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