The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
