She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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