I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What a dumb baby whore.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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