I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
