Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
