They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize