Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Boobs are out for the taking
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
