Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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