Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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