there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
