He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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