When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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