Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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