I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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