if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My feet surprised me
Randomize
