I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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