Moan for me like Helen Keller
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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