Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
