Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
