please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my liver is dry heaving
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
