Sry I called you an 8
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
