She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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