i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Drunk is not a location!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
