Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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