Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
