so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
