my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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