my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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