Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
