Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
