you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
