Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize