What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
