Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize