dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
